This Little Piggy....

Raising pigs this year. Been wanting to for a while. Hoped to get better video, but the camera battery gave out. Next footage will show them running out of their house when they hear "Soo-ee!" ~L

Proctological Prank

Found a doctor's rubber examination glove on the floor in the "senior" hall at school today. The index finger appeared to have been dipped in chocolate.

My inner joker gave a silent nod of approval.  ~L

Charlie Daniels - "Simple Man"

Been watching this one alot lately.  Written in '89, yet remains word-for-word relevant after 20+ years.  ~L
(the 10 second commercial at the beginning makes the video free to view)

Domestic Neglect

Off from work today to catch up on chores around the house.  Needed to get groceries, do laundry and mow the lawn before someone notified Social Services.

All the little boys had left in their dresser was a swimsuit and a pair of snow pants.  Not saying our grass was tall - but I did find the missing bicycle.  ~L

Time to Go

Tonight will be the first night in 31 years that I'll go to sleep at home without having my little Spartus digital clock to look at.

My Grandma Pies gave it to me for Christmas in 1980.  I've used it every day since, but lately it's electronics have started to hum - loudly. (Last night my wife covered it with a pillow). 

Got a new clock today.  The picture on the box showed green numbers - like my old one, but when plugged in it glows red.  I probably won't sleep well tonight.  ~L

Barnyards and Backwoods Baseball

Just another day in northern Wisconsin when your starting right fielder calls to say he might be late for the tournament because his cows got out and he's fixing fence.

Also, no surprise when most of the team prefers to wear camouflage jackets and flannel shirts instead of their expensive warm-up tops.

~L

Can't Make This Stuff Up - Part II

Muffled voices from various classrooms are heard throughout the halls on a non-descript school day.

Substitute teacher, Mr. West, makes use of a free class period to visit the middle school restroom for a much needed break.  He stands at a urinal, amongst the daily litter in the '50s-vintage facility, alone, staring at the wall.  He hears the hinges groan door on the heavy, wooden outer door as someone enters the room. 

From the left, Colin, a shovel-faced seventh grader with invisible eyelashes and thick, smudgy glasses, enters, approaches the adjacent urinal and strikes up a conversation.

COLIN:  Hey Mr. West.

MR. WEST, avoiding eye contact:  How's it goin', Colin?

COLIN:  Pretty good. Slight pause.  'Cept for the wart.

MR. WEST, caught off-guard by the unexpected comment:  Wart?

COLIN, disheartedly, holds out a thumb knuckle:  Yeah, it got tore off in phy-ed last hour.

MR. WEST, uncomfortable, still in the process of relieving himself, glances at the wrinkled gray protuberance as it dangles by a root from it's former location:  What are you gonna do with it?

COLIN:  I might tape it in place in case it grows back.  Or maybe I'll pick it off.

MR. WEST,  moving toward the sink, hoping to avoid further discussion:  Good luck with it, man.

COLIN, believing Mr. West is truly concerned:  Thanks.  I'll let you know.

Barely able to contain a smile, Mr. West exits restroom, leaving Colin pondering his dermatological dilemma.

~L

NOTE:  I recently saw the kid and asked him how his wart was doing.  He stared blankly at me until I reminded him of our previous conversation.  "It grew back" he beamed, proudly holding up the pencil eraser-sized nub on his knuckle.  He held it in place with band-aids until it took hold again.  ~L

Keeps on Ticking

Took off my pants yesterday and found these eight-legged eaters helping themselves to my legs.  Wet weather and a busy work schedule has kept me out of the woods, so this year's tick count stands at only 13.

Usually, I don't mind the apple seed-sized arachnids, but after last year's 10-day bout with Lyme's Disease I'm quick to pick them off.

As as kid, I was one of a privileged few who was allowed to peek at a tick buried in the scalp of our trailer park neighbor.  She left it stuck to her head to see how big it would get.  After a couple of days it grew to resemble a small grape.  It got big enough that it parted her hair - giving her a cowlick.

In high school, several of us went camping in the woods up north.  Shortly after settling into our tents for the evening one of the guys announced to the group that he had a wood tick stuck to his "sack".  After the whoops and hollers settled down and the camp became quiet again another voice asked, "How'd you know it was there?"  ~L

Sharp Dressed Man

If the old saying, "clothes make the man" is true - what does my pair of red socks, white baseball pants, knee-high muck boots, tattered barn jacket, and a cap with an obscenity on the front make? ~L