Bruised Ribs and Ego

Went to the doctor today to x-ray my ribs.  Hurt them last week in a collision while playing first base in a city league baseball game.  Haven't been able to sleep, cough, sneeze or hiccup without agony.  Tests were negative for fractures.  Diagnosis - a form of Costochondritis - an injury to the cartilage connecting rib bones to the sternum.

It's the fourth time in ten years (not counting my broken foot) I found myself staring at the ceiling in the x-ray lab waiting for pictures of my ribs.  In all, I've been told they've been broken, cracked, bruised, separated, and strained.

My previous doctor, after questioning me about my diet (which consists mostly of beer and candy), actually told me I had "the bone density of a 60-year-old, pre-menopausal woman."

Come on.  Can a 60-year-old woman hit an 80 mph curveball?  No.

Well, neither can I.  ~L

Aller-geez!

Had allergies since I can remember.  Mostly in fall, but recently in spring.

While building a new pig feeder in the barn today something set off my sinuses.  Usually I can tell when they're gonna let loose, but this was an instant nasal Niagara Falls . With a streaming nose and eyes resembling a perp who's been peppered-sprayed on a episode of Cops (and no tissues handy) I resorted to using my "air hanky".

Alternating thumb-to-nostril from left to right, I blew with all I had.  Aside from plugged-up ears and bloodshot eyes, five minutes later I was back working like nothing happened.

I only wish I'd worn something with sleeves.  ~L

Latex Logs

While working on the lawn last night I discovered a possible reason why the dog was less-than-energetic earlier this week.  Nestled in the grass was a pile of red, white and blue (and brown) evidence that she'd eaten dozens of shards of broken balloons from my boys' recent water fight.

On a positive note - the colorful cuisine probably knocked a couple of days off the feed bill.  ~L

(Note: I refrained from using the phrases: rubber repast, party pooper and festive feces.)

Worthy of Foxworthy

Today is the 20th anniversary of my first (and only) speeding ticket.

With less than $100 in the bank, I took a cash advance on my Discover credit card (at 18% interest) to pay the $117 fine.

Kinda sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy redneck joke:  "If you've ever financed a speeding ticket..."  ~L

Not So Identical Twins

Earlier this week my seven-year-old, identical twin boys, Pete and Jack, put their creative skills to work and came up with these projects. 

Surprisingly, the one who was recently quoted  as saying, "I think I've found an appropriate speed to ride my bicycle" and "I'm researching owls on the Internet" came up with this:

The vintage airplane was created from the mind of the one who asks, "Can dogs eat raisins?" and "When we butcher the pigs can I shoot'em?"  Go figure. ~L

Clash of Cultures

Went to Wal-Mart this morning with my near-freshman daughter .  It's only a ten minute drive, but she couldn't complete the trip without listening to music on her iPod.  I put on the the radio for myself.

If she'd have listened to my music here's what was playing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiVunqkZ1RM&feature=related

If I'd have put her headphones on this is what I''d have heard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RnPB76mjxI
(after five seconds you can click to skip the commercial preceding the video)
~L

Keep Out of Reach of the Childlike

Two nights this week I accidentally grabbed the anti-diarrheal medicine instead of my allergy pills.  Both are useful products, but hardly interchangeable.

At least I'll sneeze with confidence.  ~L

Heavy Metal Fence

Many gardeners dangle CDs from their fences to scare animals from sneaking inside. We'll see if the flashing reflection from my Motorhead Greatest Hits disc works on deer. 

If not, maybe I'll just play it for them. ~L



Son of a Gun

Gun raffles are popular fund raisers around here.  Even our youth baseball/softball program sells tickets to win guns.  My boy, Pete, is a repeat winner. 

Three years ago (when he was four) he brought home a Remington 870 Express Magnum 12-gauge turkey shotgun.  This year he added a Ruger 10/22 .22 rifle to our collection.

From now on, his name goes on all of our tickets.  ~L

Those Who Trespass Against Us

Spent the morning cutting firewood on the neighbor's land - without permission.  Actually, the logs were cut by the electric company as they cleared the right-of-way under the power lines.  I just helped myself to his wood.  Figured I'd return the favor after I caught him riding his horse and his ATV on my property.  ~L